When you were starting your journey as an immigrant you made a series of important decisions.
Today I want to invite you to reflect on the basics.
Why did you move? Why are you still living here?
Do you love your reasons why you live where you live now?
Is it clear in your mind or are you a bit confused?
This is worth figuring out. I paid a heavy price for not knowing and you might be paying a high price too. How to tell? Are you confused? Are you conflicted within? Or do you have a very clear answer but it does not align with what your reality shows today…
You know you should be living somewhere else. Not where you are at…
In this episode I tell you about some really tough moments in my life as an immigrant.
I went through an identity crisis. It lasted for years. I was deeply unhappy, and I didn’t know why.
For years I would not even admit it to myself, because I felt so guilty and confused about it all.
I should’ve been happy. My life was looking great on the outside. Our marriage was good, so why was I so unhappy. This pressure to hide it from myself and others only made it worse.
Ever done this? Can you relate? Listen up.
This is worth figuring out. I paid a heavy price for not knowing and you might be paying a high price too. How can you tell? Are you confused? Are you conflicted within? Or do you have a very clear answer but it does not align with what your reality shows today… You know you should be living somewhere else.
Not where you are at…
In the first episode of the Empowerment for Immigrants Podcast I share with you some really tough moments of my life as an immigrant. I went through an identity crisis. It lasted for years. I was deeply unhappy, and I didn’t know why.
For years I would not even admit it to myself, because I felt so guilty and confused about it all. I should’ve been happy. My life was looking great on the outside. Our marriage was good, so why was I feeling so conflicted and confused. Something was off and I could not put my finger on it. On top of it I felt this pressure to never show weakness, so I would “hide” it from myself and others. All of this only made matters worse. Ever done this? Can you relate?
Hi there, welcome to empowerment for immigrants, episode number one.
I’ve got a question for you: Why are you here? Here… where you live now? Why did you move?
Do you like your reasons? Was it for love? Was it for work? Was it for education? Was it for a better life? I moved for love. My husband stole my heart when I was working as an AuPair in 2005. I felt that I had to stay. People sometimes ask me how did I make this decision? It’s such a big deal and so much unknown…honestly I just decided to take a risk. And staying felt like a safer choice for a happier life than what going back to Poland could bring. Why? Because I thought of a future back in Poland without him. I saw myself alone in the future having deep regrets because I never got to live this life next to a man who truly loved me. A man I loved too. I saw myself in a relationship with someone else who was not him, someone I would constantly compare to Jim. I knew deep, deep down that this was meant to be. Us together was to happen.
So why did you move? Similar reasons or was it for work? A better life? Maybe a new start? Maybe because a friend did it? Because you were there on vacation and you felt like it was your place? Maybe your family was moving and you didn’t have a choice? Or maybe you were like one of my friends born with the understanding that you will 100% live in a specific foreign country… she has always known, so it was a goal in her mind and she accomplished it.
Sometimes we make the decision to do something without clearly knowing the consequences.
Maybe that’s what it was like for you? I came to the States in 2005. I met my husband and we got married within 6 months of knowing each other. It’s been 16 years. We are still together, we’ve been through some really fun times and some really tough times. He loves me and supports me. He is my guy. He even waited for me for 4 months not knowing if I’m coming back. During that time he was my rock. He waited patiently, and he did not put any pressure on me. He knew I had to make my own mind up and any pressure would only make things worse…. Let me tell you about one of the most confusing time in my life.. You might relate.
So when we met I made a decision to stay not knowing what this life will look like. I did not know what it is like when you miss your loved ones birthdays… every single year. Or how it feels to realize you will not have the Polish Christmas traditions, because without the people you used to share them with, it’s not the same.
I didn’t know about the guilt I will feel because I didn’t go to my grandparents’ funerals.
The sadness I will feel when my loved ones will struggle and I will not be there to support them.
I did not know what it will be like when I go back after a few years and I will see that everyone is aging. And most of all, I did not know how much my mind will argue with how my life was unfolding. I have a Masters degree in teaching Polish language. I never got to work in my profession here in the States. Instead, I’ve been doing a lot of other things I’ve been a photographer/ studio manager, sales consultant, waitress, senior moving assistant, inventory manager, marketing specialist… for many years I argued that since I have my degree I should not be doing some of these jobs. That they were below me. Oh my ego. That poor ego, it got bruised over and over. Not by someone else but by my own mind.
I made it mean that I was somehow not the person I was supposed to be and that my life was not what it was supposed to be. I felt conflicted within. Confused. So, what would I do then?
I would for years blame other people for my unhappiness. Colleagues, friends, family members.
My mind was looking for what’s wrong in life and in my relationships and it always found it.
I was not accepting my life as it was. I thought it should be different. I was not loving my life, deep inside I was starting to hate it. I didn’t know how important it is to examine your thinking so I kept on trying to “change” my life to make it feel better. Getting a different job, different car, different friends. The result of all of this was that I felt stuck in this unhappiness. I was not connecting deep within myself to find out what is really off. Why? Cause I had this guilt. The story in my mind was “I should not be thinking this, I should not be feeling any of this”. That I should be happy with my life, period. Because my life is so much better than many other people that I know. So I was not connecting to any of the deeper reasons for this mental drama.
And I was stuck in this unhappiness for a very long time. Today I know that what was really happening is that I was going through an identity crisis. My mind was doing A LOT to prevent me from accepting what is. It was supposed to be different I thought. Yet here I was… living far away from my loved ones and things WERE NOT as I imagined they should be.
I blamed others, never myself, because of that I could not address the issue and I was the one creating the problem in the first place. To be honest with you it felt like there was a war happening inside of me. Both sides fighting were fueled by the same force – my mind. And his lasted for years. I finally gave in. I did what I thought will help. I quit my job, I sold my car and I left for Poland with a one way ticket, not knowing if I’m ever going back… I thought I would but was I sure? No I really wasn’t.
To make things more confusing, I LOVED my husband and I felt loved by him. You see? It was tough because there was so much love in my life too. And we had a wonderful dog, she was like my kid. She was a basset hound mix, and she had many names but the one that fit her personality the most was Coco. And I loved my Coco…I will make sure to share her picture with you on the episode page, so you can see her. And if you love dogs look at that picture, she had the sad basset eyes and oh… she was just wonderful. So when I was leaving I was crying my heart out. And I remember waiting for that first plane in Grand Rapids. Confused and heartbroken. Writing in my journal that I don’t know what I’m doing and why.
So now you might wonder…
Did it get better when I went back to Poland? No it didn’t. It got worse. Hold on! I got to roll my rrrrs here… it got worrrse, hehe, I thought just being in Poland would somehow bring in the clarity I needed. But guess what? It turns out that if you bring a confused mind to Poland it will remain confused. To make it worse I chose to disown my higher guidance since it was not doing what I thought it should. Uh-huh Yeah, mentally it was a tough time. But reflecting on it today I see how life carried me even then. I ended up spending a lot of time with my maternal grandma, on her farm in a tiny Polish village surrounded by oak forests. Her home has been a safe landing in my life and this time it was the exact spot I needed. Warm kitchen with tea was always waiting. Delicious warm food, or ready to be reheated, waiting. Accepting loving kindness. I felt the safest there. Today I see how perfect it was that I came back there to figure this out. And eventually after 3 months I made a decision to come back.
I decided that I am to live my life next to my husband no matter where we live physically. You know what happened? This decision freed me. It released ALL the drama. It calmed my mind and my heart. That war within me stopped. Imagine two forces fighting within your mind. Two spheres of light hitting each other in a frenzy. Now imagine what happens when this stops and instead the two spheres of light join forces and become one big energy sphere. One energy that is traveling in a specific direction. This is basically what happened within my mental field once I made that decision. I finally felt at peace. I finally felt like my mind and my heart were aligned.
I came back and NEVER felt that confusion again. Life at the very foundation fell into place.
I told you this story because I believe that your reasons to be here are VERY important.
Do you know what are they? Do you love them? Or are you conflicted within like I was?
Either way the thoughts about it are at the very foundation of your existence here. They decide how you feel about your life and how you behave on a daily basis. This is important to figure out, it is important to know. Even if you are at peace and even if your life feels really good. Take a moment to work this through. Clarity is a beautiful thing. Knowing your reasons gives you POWER. You show up very differently in your life when you know your why… and mayhem maybe you knew your “why” years ago but maybe now it’s different? Think about it.
And hey to help you out and to celebrate the very beginning of this podcast
I made a downloadable guide for you. Go to my website www.lifecoachforimmigrants.com/1
and download it. In this guide I ask you specific questions to help you make all of this clear.
Remember friends. Your thoughts matter. Your thoughts about yourself and your life are very important. So go to my page, download the guide and give yourself that gift of self awareness today. Your future self will appreciate the clarity and will thank you for it.
Hey! Do you have a similar story? Did you feel deeply confused? Maybe you do now?
Let’s talk. I would love to hear from you. Send me an email at email@example.com. You can find it in the description of this podcast and in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this podcast please leave a review. This is a very beginning of this podcasting journey for me and your support will make a big difference. Thank you so much in advance. Have a wonderful day and I will talk to you next time.