Life Coach For Immigrants

From PCOS to Self Love. True life story • Podcast

Have you ever considered how the stress of your immigrant journey has impacted your health?  Have you ever thought about the connection between your physical health and emotional well being?  This episode with Anna Lakomy will reveal some astonishing insights; she shares her battle with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome ( PCOS) and how it transformed her perspective on health, career, and self-worth.

 Anna’s journey is more than a story about a health condition. It’s a tale of determination and self-discovery, of the transformative power of adversity. We talk about her fight against her physical symptoms and the traditional medical system, and how this struggle led her to an unexpected revelation about her career success and personal worth.

 The conversation takes a deeper turn as we explore the struggle to balance masculine and feminine energy. We talk about societal pressures, inherited survival instincts and the power of self-compassion. We share insights on healing the inner child and fostering self-love.
 Consider asking yourself these questions:

  • What relationship do I have with myself? 
  • Am I being a good friend to myself or do I keep on criticizing myself? If so why? 
  • Am I feeling safe? 
  • What is creating a sense of safety for me? 
  • Am I safe within me right now? 
  • What do I need right now?


00:00 – Ewelina (Host)
Hello, hello, my friends, this is a Ewelina Life Coach for immigrants and today I have such a treat for you. In this episode, I talk to Anna Lakomy again, The Career Guardian Angel for immigrant women, but this time she tells us a crazy story related to her health. For many, many years, Anna has been suffering with PCOS polycistic ovarian syndrome and for many of those years she had no idea what it was, and she tells us all about it about her symptoms, how long it took for her to get diagnosed, how she was treated by the traditional doctors who helped her, and what turned out to be the cure. It’s a fascinating story, and then this conversation turns into a chat about how we immigrant women struggle with being in our masculine energy too much, what’s the consequence of that in our life, and how to talk to your inner child to develop a sense of inner safety that will help you thrive. Listen, we had so much fun chatting and recording this interview. Please enjoy it, Anna. Take away, tell us your story, please, and welcome to the show again.

01:22 – Anna (Guest)
First of all, yes, e, thank you so much for having me again and I’m so excited to talk about this important topic because, you know, creating the life of our dreams is important, creating the careers of our dreams is important, but we can’t do any of that when we are not healthy. So let me tell you what happened to me. So I don’t know where to start, because probably you know, so many things in my childhood and early teen hood contributed to me eventually getting PCOS. But what for now? What I’ll start with is some of the symptoms, so that maybe someone listening can realize oh my gosh, maybe I have this, because it took me, I think, six or seven years to get diagnosed. Wow, and so let me tell you.

So, basically, I think for the most part, what really was strange at first was my painful periods, and everyone told me that was normal. Some women have painful periods, but mine were debilitating. I would turn pale, I was, I wanted to vomit, I wanted to pass out, I was unable to do anything in school. It was really terrible. But you know, my mom didn’t have this, my sister didn’t have this, so I figured, you know, I’m just blessed to have period pain and that’s normal, right? So I somehow bared it, like most women do. Right, we just grin and bear it.

Then I started getting symptoms of my hair falling out. So my hair was thinning at a rapid rate as a young woman. And I also started getting acne and and this was also at the time where I was working as an actress, so you can see how much more stress that contributed to me. So I had the thinning hair, I had this acne, I had these painful periods and then what I noticed is, over time, things were getting worse. So my periods were getting more painful for longer and I had fatigue.

So there would be, there were times in my life I don’t remember, because I was either so drugged up on mital for the pain or I was so fatigued that I was just laying on the couch. I like missed events. I was there in person, but I wasn’t actually. I wasn’t there in spirit, I was gone. And then, finally, what really was starting getting really scary was the mental health. So now I know, now that I once I got diagnosed with PCOS, I did some research and I found out women with PCOS tend to also develop anxiety and depression, and so that was definitely my experience too. The anxiety was getting worse, the depression deeper and longer and, to be very blunt, you know, there were times where I was suicidal as well, evalina. So this was really really scary. And the scariest part was all my doctors told me I was fine.

04:06 – Ewelina (Host)
Oh my gosh, that just makes me mad.

04:08 – Anna (Guest)
It makes me so mad when I hear that and it made me feel crazy and it made me feel like because I have always been a sensitive person, so it just made me feel weak. It just made me feel like I’m a weak person and I can’t handle just being a woman having regular woman symptoms. But that wasn’t the case at all. So, evalina, let me tell you how I actually got diagnosed, because this is a fascinating story. So I was sort of getting. I was like doing I was reading online, I had read about PCOS and other issues related to women’s health and I was like this kind of sounds like me, but not not fully, and I don’t know, maybe this is me, maybe this isn’t me, and also I didn’t want to admit that it was me. There’s something about putting a label also on your symptoms. That makes it official. But anyway, I was very determined to find out. My doctors kept saying I was fine. So finally I actually went on Amazon and I got a hormonal saliva panel test. I ordered this kit for $200. It came to my house. I started spitting in it, as they told me to spit in these tubes, and I submitted it to the labs. And then I will never forget the day I got the results.

I got a letter in the mail and it listed every single hormone Testosterone, estrogen, dhea, cortisol, all these kinds of hormones and Evelina. Every single one of my hormones was either extremely low or extremely high. Wow, there was not a single hormone on that list that I had normal, balanced. I had too much estrogen, way too much estrogen dominance, and I also had too much testosterone. I didn’t know you could have both too much at the same time, but I did. No wonder my body was going absolutely crazy. The acne and the hair thinning was the testosterone. The period complications was the estrogen. The tender breast, the headaches before the period, the PMS symptoms. I forgot to mention the moodiness. That was fun, so yeah. And then the crazy part was my testosterone was so high it was at the levels of a teenage boy. Yes, and we’ll talk about why soon. But yes, I took that letter.

First of all, I was devastated. I was both devastated as well as victorious. I was like I knew something was wrong. I marched back to my gyno’s office. I gave her my letter and I said lady, look at these results. Clearly something is wrong with me, like I need help. And she, I don’t know. This is very shady, but she looked at my my, my paperwork and she said oh, we called you three years ago and we told you that you have PCOS and to come back immediately for treatment. What I remember? The phone call three years prior because I was nervous to get those results. So when the nurse called me and she literally said, sweetie, you’re fine. And I remember being like relieved, but also confused. Like she said I’m fine, that’s good news, but I don’t feel fine.

So for the doctor to then tell me that they told me I had PCOS there must have been some kind of a mistake or I don’t know. She made it up on the spot in that point. I don’t know, but she claimed that they told me three years ago. Now here’s the kicker. I start crying and she goes at least you’re not fat. Most women with PCOS Stop it. Yeah, she told me that most women who have my condition are fat and I’m not fat. So I should consider myself blessed in that way. Are you for real? I’m a female doctor? Oh, my, oh, my Lord. Yeah, and I’m like disgusting, and that made it.

What made it worse was, if she had asked me for one minute and what are your eating habits? Like? She would have learned that I had been starving myself for the past 13 years Because with PCOS you gain weight very easily with that hormonal imbalance. So because I had started gaining weight as a teenager, I immediately started to starve myself. So I had been like not eating for 13 years, barely anything to keep my weight down, and that’s why I was thin, that’s why I wasn’t fat, because I was harming myself. So if she had taken one minute to ask Anna what are eating habits like, she would have known I barely eat. I eat a couple of vegetables. I’m scared of meat and dairy. Everything’s low fat. I would eat frozen apples to feel fuller, wow, and yeah.

So I ran out of that office, ran, oh my gosh. And then she just wanted, she wanted to put me on a bunch of pharmaceuticals. But the kicker was she said your symptoms might get worse. And at that point I believe not literally my life was on the line and I was like I cannot bear this getting any worse, as imagine as like any kind of a woman, but especially a young woman, trying to make it in the world acne, hair falling out, debilitated, one month out of the year, feeling depressed, feeling anxious, all the time not eating. I was already hanging on a thread and she just wanted to sort of treat me like a guinea pig and try some medications and I was not. I was not down for that. I’m so glad you didn’t. I didn’t.

Yes, I ran out. I was like I’m going to figure this out and here’s this. I love how this story is taking the whole time, but but this is what happened. This is how I actually healed. Uh huh, I got it like a year and a half later. No, like a year later. I actually got into a car accident and I was okay, but I had like some headaches. So I started going to acupuncture and every now this natural doctor I came in for the headaches. She ended up curing me from PCOS within eighteen months. Eighteen months diet change, supplements, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, lifestyle changes. We talked a lot about stress. She was sort of like my therapist. We talked a lot about work and stress and relaxing and de stressing and finding new coping mechanisms and also eating. You know, healing that. And within eighteen months, this natural doctor healed me from some of the. I forgot to tell you the guy know, as I was crying, she also said your condition is only gonna get worse as you age.

10:19 – Ewelina (Host)
It’s criminal to plan those kind of beliefs in people’s minds. It is criminal. And how many women out there will take the words that the doctor is saying like the biggest wisdom there can be, because they don’t feel empowered enough to do the research you have done? I? That is abuse of a patient. Seriously. I makes me so mad. Okay, so, and you know what? It doesn’t surprise me that it was a holistic doctor who has addressed the whole thing versus the root cause.

10:54 – Anna (Guest)
Yeah, the crazy thing about it is actually what I learned was I will talk about root cause in terms of my own behavior that contributed to me developing the root cause. But the medical, biological root cause of the pc os for me and most other women is actually sugar imbalance. So it’s actually and when you think about me not eating, my sugar was really low. I was hypoglycemic, right, but then I would binge and what I would binge on was was usually really high carb, high calorie, high sugar things, because I was literally did not have any energy so I had such huge swings and sugar and that’s what makes your hormones also start to go In balance as they’re trying to react to the sugar. And that’s why I’m in a. Pc os do develop diabetes if you don’t take. Take matters into your own hands and do something about it. So, treating the sugar dysregulation by Natural supplementation that helped me with sugar balance and also eating regularly and eating balanced meals. You know carb, sugar, fat none of them are evil. We need all of them in a balanced meal. That and I do have to eat lower carbs compared to most people Because of my predisposition to PCOS and sugar imbalance, but once I found what worked for me.

I I mean, I felt so much better and over time All those symptoms went away. It wasn’t like a walk in the park, it wasn’t like yay, everything’s perfect. There was many times where I would take two steps forward and then I would get like a very painful period and I would be so upset. I would be like, oh my god, doing all this work to be better, why am I in so much pain? Or the acne would come back or something would come back and I would be so upset. But it was always steps forward. It wasn’t a linear path at all. It was still very difficult. Those 18 months were still hard, especially from a mental health perspective. But 18 months later I went to a new guy know. He scanned my ovaries. We did a blood test for the hormones and he said you do not have any cysts. Your blood work shows normal hormones. He said you don’t show any symptoms. I would say you do not have PCOS. Beautiful yeah so.

13:06 – Ewelina (Host)
So what the traditional doctor said to you, that this will this is uncurable. It will only get worse, there’s with time, mm-hmm.

13:14 – Anna (Guest)
Yeah, she’s like, as you get age, this is gonna get worse and worse.

13:18 – Ewelina (Host)
Yeah, I believe you already feel depressed and anxious and you have these really difficult thoughts to deal with. Right, and this is the support quote, unquote you. It’s just. I’m sorry but I’m gonna like. I have so many thoughts about how you were treated and, in the same time, it was supposed to be this way. Right, you have to be away from that path so that you would be even the car accident.

13:43 – Anna (Guest)
The car accident I was so upset because I had just gotten, like my dream car for Christmas from my husband and it was December. And then January bam, I got hit while on my way to work, with no fault of my own. It was so frustrating like people who ride too close to other bumpers, so I’m just writing too close. So actually, one car hit a car and then that car hit me. It was so upsetting, but I’m so grateful for that accident because there I was getting acupuncture for headaches and then this miracle doctor was like.

She actually specialized in women’s health and infertility and all those things and I didn’t even think to go to a natural doctor or I don’t know. I was just kind of barely surviving, but then she helped me finally start thriving from a health perspective and ever enough Not coincidentally after I cured my PCOS in June 2018, that’s when I finally got promoted at work after years of struggling. Then, a couple months later, I started a new job, and that job that’s where I became the head of the office after eight months. It’s not a coincidence that my health success was mirrored by my career success, and it’s not a coincidence that my career struggles happened when I was really struggling with my health.

14:58 – Ewelina (Host)
At the same time too, so let’s talk about that, okay. Like what were the things that were happening in your professional life that then you know, affected?

15:08 – Anna (Guest)
My goodness, I was a typical workhorse, completely overworking over, stressing and beating myself up all day long. No matter what I did, how much I did, how fast I did, it was never enough. It was never good enough, it was never fast enough. And I was doing this to myself. I laugh now because I literally was. No one told me to do this, no one held a gun to my head, no one gave me bad feedback, no one pressured me.

It was all Anna. It was all sort of the things that I had taken out, probably from my childhood, being raised as an immigrant daughter and not having that safety net. I had to be the hardest worker, and so I continue to work extremely hard, and there’s nothing against hard work, but I didn’t balance it. It was all hard work, numbing my emotions, numbing my feelings, even numbing my hunger cues. For god’s sake. I had completely detached from my body. And then I was mad at my body for sending me signals that something was wrong. I was furious. And then I was furious at work because I wasn’t getting promoted and I was working harder and harder and nothing was happening. So, yeah to say my confidence was at an all time low. I cannot Stress that enough how my confidence plummeted, physically, mentally, work wise. It was just such a low that I had to enter in order to rise up.

16:33 – Ewelina (Host)
Yeah, and to be to have to pay attention to yourself, right, because it’s like you ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore and that’s just a way of life. And then your soul is screaming for help and you, finally, your body. First of all, your body was screaming for help, but so was probably like your soul.

16:50 – Anna (Guest)
There was a part of you that was so tired of working so hard and not you know, I never realized it before, but I think you’re right, because there was this moment when I was struggling with the health and the career, there was this first of all, there was a lot of victimhood.

17:05 – Ewelina (Host)
I have to be honest as it would be right because you were abusing yourself. So the victim was active.

17:11 – Anna (Guest)
Totally. And then I would like. And then my victim. I tried to use my victimhood to get some sort of love through because I wasn’t giving love to myself. So as a victim oh my gosh, I’m so sick I could get some love from my family and friends and some pity that felt like love Because of my work struggles. I could complain and bitch and moan to my friends to and get some attention because I wasn’t giving myself attention. But but you help me realize right now that there was this moment where I was like I’m gonna fight for myself and that’s when I decided to fight for my health and fight for my career. There was this moment, deep in that pit, where I was like I’m worth more and I’m gonna go fight for more and this is not the way it’s supposed to be.

17:59 – Ewelina (Host)
I have goosebumps throughout my whole body, in my cheeks and my legs, my everywhere. I have goosebumps right now. So this was your power moment, the power that’s in me, the moment, the power decision, right when you’ve decided yeah, enough was enough.

18:11 – Anna (Guest)
That’s what it was. Ever enough it was. I have to change. Because when I was in the victim mode I was like my body has to change me, name it, my company has to change. It’s not fair. But then I did come to that point where I was like listen, anna, let’s say it’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair that you have testosterone of a 14 year old boy. It’s not fair that corporate America is has certain rules and you don’t know what those rules are, being raised by immigrant parents. You have no clue. But I was like, let’s assume it is not fair, that still doesn’t mean we can’t find power, our own power, within that unfair world, whether it’s biology, whether it’s corporate America. There was that moment where that that powerful, more sneaky Anna came out. That was like no, like I’m not gonna let this destroy me. You’re default.

19:02 – Ewelina (Host)
The warrior came out. Right, because the warrior came out. Yeah, we have a victim and we have a warrior, and the victim will hold on to the Poor me story. But then the warrior will be hiding underneath and when the warrior is ready to come save the victim, he will come and she came forth.

19:22 – Anna (Guest)
She did in your right. I did save myself career-wise, health-wise and, yeah, love it.

19:30 – Ewelina (Host)
My goodness, I mean, what a crazy story really. Let me look here at my. I know I have some more questions for you. I have written them down, hold on. So yes, we talked about the physical aspects of it. We told us the reasons. Now tell me, what do you see with your clients Right, like, how does that relate to what you’re seeing with the women you’re working with, the immigrant women you’re working with?

19:57 – Anna (Guest)
So I do have to say that I really like sharing my PCOS story because, first of all, apparently a lot of people are ashamed about Women’s problems and hormonal issues. I’m not so, you know, it doesn’t define me, it’s just. It was just my experience, a part of my story. But second, once I started sharing my story with PCOS, every single time I shared, so many women would message me privately in secret, like, oh my gosh, I think I have this too. Or oh my gosh, like so it’s not normal and I can have a pain-free period. I’m like, yes, girl, you were scammed. It’s not normal to have pain during our periods and I can vouch for the fact that I used to die and now I’m totally fine. And that would give them so much hope to be like oh my god, I do not have to be miserable, I don’t have to be a victim to these hormones or these physical symptoms. So that’s why I love sharing it.

20:56 – Ewelina (Host)
And, like we were talking before this interview, we’re talking about the feminine, masculine aspect, right? Can you speak to that?

21:03 – Anna (Guest)
Yes, so. So for me I can go very deep and spiritual on these health things. I believe that a lot of health things are manifestations of emotional things, absolutely so. When you think about the experience of an immigrant woman, you know a lot of us come from cultures where we are heavily pushed into masculinity, structure, discipline, rigor, process, and there’s not many room for emotions. A lot of, you know, post-soviet union countries, a lot of Asian countries, survival, yes, it’s all about survival. And when I when, when countries go through certain things or economic things, you know you can’t help but feel that survive pressure to survive everywhere, even among children, and it’s dramatic, yes, it’s dramatic. So, whether you’re coming from that culture, whether you’re born here, like me, but you have parents who come from that culture, or even just your ancestry lineage, and now that is passed on in our DNA, we now know it’s not just biological things that are passed down, um, I think we come with a lot of that survival instinct, but more so survival pressure. And so what happens is a lot of the immigrant women that I work with, I also see that they’re also overworking, they’re also overstressing, they’re not taking care of themselves, they’re, they’re pummeling through their emotions, and so what happens is this huge masculine energy, which is beautiful.

Masculine energy builds civilizations, right, but what brings beauty to life? What is life? It is actually the feminine energy. We actually don’t need civilization if there’s no people to inhabit it and there’s no creation and joy to be had in the civilization. So what I find is, you know, we struggle we me and my clients, we do struggle with finding that balance and allowing ourselves to feel safe enough to tap into our feminine energy.

That looks like relaxing, resting Not being productive all the time, exploring different parts of ourselves, playing, for god’s sake, spending time in nature, maybe picking up a pencil and drawing something, maybe writing a piece of art.

But we’re not trained as women to do that. We’re not trained from our countries to do that, and in our, especially in America, our toxic hustle matrix Wants to keep us productive and is results driven, so there’s no room for that. But that misses so much. Because actually, don’t you get the best ideas in the shower, when you’re struggling body and you’re, you’re smelling the sun and you’re hearing the water? When you’re on a walk, when you’re at the gym, when you’re creating? Isn’t that when we actually get moments of brilliance? There would be nothing to do with our masculine energy if we didn’t have the insights that come from the feminine, that alchemy, the creation. So, yes, I think, I think that’s the missing ingredient a lot for us. We’re so ambitious, we were survival and success driven, but that actually makes us lean too heavily in the masculine, which makes us Sick, makes us unhappy and actually not as successful as we could be.

24:21 – Ewelina (Host)
Yes, because it’s like you know, the corporate culture is extremely masculine, right, but it’s also very toxic in many ways because of this masculine Right. And the moment we step into our femininity, then we can balance it out, even in a corporate environment, we can be that what is looked for and what holds the glue of a company connection, human connection, hearing what people have to say, receiving right versus pushing, pushing, pushing um, interesting. That’s really, really interesting. One of the qualities that come to mind is trusting. How hard it is for us to trust and having this like Needs to control everything around us.

I know, I’ve seen that in my life a lot when, not only because of my immigrant journey but overall because of my life, how things have played out, and also because I’m a Polish Scorpio, yeah, like controlling, that’s like where I am. But there is another side to me that’s very nurturing and I feel like for us women, the one area where we get to be feminine is nurturing. When we connect with our children, where we connect with our parents, that we help right, whatever help her Situation we find ourselves, and where we are helping and nurturing others, that’s the feminine area. But then we’re still giving yeah, right, we’re still the ones that are providing the help, versus us being nurtured.

25:55 – Anna (Guest)
Yes. So I think, Like nurturing others could be a good baby step for people trying to explore feminine energy. But I do agree with you that there comes a point where actually, like I heard somewhere that motherhood is actually very masculine energy, because you’re protecting, you’re giving, you’re providing, you’re teaching, you’re controlling Right, and I thought that was the most fascinating thing I’ve ever heard and I think what, what? So I think, once again, trust and comfort. Maybe we’re more comfortable helping others because then we’re still good girls, but how do we actually help ourselves? Because I actually work with a lot of women who also struggle with people pleasing, oh my gosh. And a lot of them actually are hypercontroller, hyper achiever, but also people pleaser. And I’m like girl I don’t know how you’ve been living all this time, because I only have half of that equation. I only have half of that equation.

But to have both of those, the pressure from both sides and the pressure to be both, um, so yeah, and they come to that point where they are so overworked over stress and they start to feel resentful of the people they love, and that doesn’t feel good, and so you know, they also come to that breaking point where they’re like I cannot give anymore. I have nothing left to give, literally. And the whole point is, how do we balance and not get to that point where you have to rebuild yourself from such depletion, whether it’s emotional or physical or both? Um, but how do you balance that with self love? Honestly, I think self compassion is the one of the biggest things, especially as immigrant women, that we have to work on. It’s not in our cultural things, all know, but I think it’s the biggest opportunity for us if we want to lean into our feminine energy, feel safer, feel happier. I think self compassion is actually the root for that.

27:51 – Ewelina (Host)
Yes. So as you’re speaking, I’m coming up with questions that my listeners could ask themselves. Right, because at the end of the day, it comes down to what relationship do I have with myself? Am I attacking myself constantly Because I feel like I’m constantly trying to achieve some sort of perfection that I have in my own head. It’s often time it’s like there’s that perfect me and then there’s me full of faults, and every time I even look in the mirror, I see the faults right Versus seeing that perfect me that I’m supposed to be, even just the self image area. But then we are talking about careers, and what does that look like in a workplace? So one of the questions that came to my mind immediately is stopping yourself in the middle of the day and asking what do I need? What do I need right now? Do I need sip of water? Do I need a nap? Do I need to take five minutes and just go to the bathroom at work and close my eyes and just sit there and breathe? Or go to my car, take 15 minute break, whatever right, whatever it is given, not only hearing what it is, but then giving it to yourself so that you become your best friend.

Another thing that came to my mind is am I feeling safe? Right, what is creating the sense of safety for me? And I’m not talking about, like, just the physical safety. I’m talking about the inner safety. Am I safe within me right now, or am I attacking myself constantly, because that would not be the feeling of safety? That’s the safety I’m talking about. I’m talking about the safety within yourself. Am I being the good friends to me versus the one that keeps on attacking and criticizing myself? Is there anything else you can think of that would be helpful to my listeners?

29:41 – Anna (Guest)
I love those questions that you posed. I also love them because I think you mentioned that you work with clients and you have them start scheduling breaks. What a great way to schedule those breaks that you mentioned and then ask yourself those questions. Something that’s been really helpful for me and my clients lately that’s related to that is sometimes we just have these icky feelings and we’re just like meh, I call them the bratty feelings. That’s like the. You know, I don’t want to eat my salad, I don’t want to finish this report. You know, sometimes we have those like, yes, yes, there’s the part of us that that pummels through our feelings and gets everything done. But then we also have those like those negative or icky, bratty feelings, right, and so for those feelings, what I found is oftentimes when there’s like pushback or resistance or even I don’t want to take a break, right, what do we do with that?

Actually, something that’s been really helpful is just putting your hand on your heart and checking in actually with your inner child. So not even you now, but be checking in with your inner child and being like is there something being triggered there for you? Are you not being heard right now? What do you need, inner child, because sometimes what the inner child, the little brat, needs and she gets bratty when she’s not heard and not given what she needs Sometimes that is different from what we, the adults, in that moment we need you and I like right now we might need to take a break or maybe to call a friend, right, but maybe the inner brat needs to go into her car and listen to sad songs for five minutes and cry. It could be completely different. So I would also encourage you to explore that part. It’s a little scarier but, like I promise, the safer you make the inner child feel, the safer you’re actually going to feel. The more she’s heard, the less tantrums she’s going to throw.

31:49 – Ewelina (Host)
I don’t know. I’m talking about inner child. My throat just goes crazy. I have tears coming down my eyes because I have swollen the wrong way. So I guess my inner child is definitely affected by me ignoring it. But talking about inner child, something that came to my mind too is that how often what actually the inner child wants to know is that she’s safe and we love her, right? Hey, I see you. Okay, this is what you want. You want to go and listen to songs? Not a problem, baby, we’ll listen to songs. How about we finish this report first Negotiating like you would with an actual child, and then you do that. You go and listen to the songs and you give her the time. And I find it with myself when I work with my inner child and I’ve actually started this process of coaching her. Wow, I love it Talking about going deep. But yes, we’ve been coaching and it’s been fascinating.

You know, the main question that I have asked in the very beginning of that work was tell me about yourself. Oh, wow, I just said I’m like tell me who are you and what started coming out. Oh, my Lord, I think I talk about this in one of my earlier episodes. I mean, she told me she’s well, I am one of the things. She said, that I’m stupid, right, because that was my belief when I was a child and for a very, very long time from that point on. But you know, just like telling her, like baby, I know that that’s what you believe, that’s what you have been told and you took that as your truth. But no, no, I have so much evidence that it’s not true. Right, you do not have to believe that anymore, and I love you and I understand that you believe that. But no, no, honey, like talking as you would to a little kid, right? Oh, trust me, there were a lot of tears coming when I realized that she’s still believing that.

33:55 – Anna (Guest)
I mean, I’m about to cry right now. Yes, yes.

33:58 – Ewelina (Host)
Deep healing and, interesting enough, all of that is happening. It’s an inner dialogue, right? I don’t need to go anywhere to have that inner dialogue. You can do it on my own and it does. It gives you the sense of like I’m taking care of me.

34:18 – Anna (Guest)
I got me. Yeah, I got. I think that’s the biggest thing for survival. For the longest time, I felt like no one’s got my back and that’s what caused me to compensate and work so hard and do all the things. But then when I realized like I’m the one who has my back, and to consistently remind myself of that, made such a difference.

Because all those fears of this and what if? That it’s like, yeah, okay, I accept your fear, I understand you think this might happen, but even if it does like I got you, yes, I got you no matter what. Oh, is this going to be a mistake? Even if it’s a huge mistake, I still got you and that has been beautiful. And I think that’s like so important for us, especially as immigrants. You know, I know a lot of us have a lot of parent drama and stuff like that. So that’s such a beautiful opportunity for us to to re parent that inner child and it’s such a I mean, think about it like from this kind of pain. We have such a beautiful opportunity to create this deep bond and understanding with our former selves that most people will never be able to do.

35:23 – Ewelina (Host)
Yes, absolutely, and hopefully they will. But, yeah, that is definitely a consequence. Right, you build the relationship with yourself based on safety within so that you can stop controlling the world outside of you to create the safety outside of you, because that safety is never there. Let’s be honest, right, we cannot control the whole world, and the world is 50 50. And there’s so many things that can happen. Yeah, and we get exhausted by trying to make enough money to create safety, right, some sort of comfort of living, all of all of the things, but it is mostly it’s actually the energy of money, right, that motivates us and why we show up the way we show up so often. That is literally what I’m doing with my clients to write. We’re creating a space that is very solid and gives you. At the end of the day, you end up having the inner peace, self trust and self confidence like never before and you do have more courage to build that life you want to have.

Is this the one thing that, you know, kind of makes me really sad? It’s like how often it happens that we have immigrants coming here and they are stuck in the survival mode and they never get themselves to the point where they can really appreciate their journey, their effort, what they have done and care for themselves and give themselves that dream. That oftentimes doesn’t happen. It’s maybe the children later on will have a chance at the dream. But the, the parents, like your parents, right, people who came to the US, like I did, where I’m, I actually made the move. Yeah, oftentimes it’s just survival and we get stuck in those ways. So, yeah, oh, my goodness, this has been such a great conversation and thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m still mad at your doctor. I’m gonna have to coach myself out of anger on that one.

37:32 – Anna (Guest)
Yeah, but if anyone is looking for an amazing natural doctor, then definitely feel free to reach out to me.

I recommend her all the time and she does tell a health now, oh there are good doctors out there and God bless them, and, yeah, there’s hope if you’re feeling any of the hormonal imbalances, autoimmune, any kind of women’s issues or infertility like. There’s so much you can do, and the best part is You’re actually gonna be healthier and happier as a result, because a lot of what you’re gonna have to do is to stress less and Love yourself more, and that’s the only way that you’re gonna get yourself out of it, and I think that’s great, because sometimes we need to Get kicked in the butt by a health issue To learn these things and get this magical access to these tools that were not available to us before.

38:24 – Ewelina (Host)
Right, and the thing is, though, it’s like you went through a transformation right, ever since you started working with the doctor. It’s like you will never go back.

38:33 – Anna (Guest)
No, no and it’s so it’s been. It’s been five years Since I was officially cleared of PCOS and I’m still clear of PCOS, and yeah, absolutely.

No I know matter what, like I have so much self-love for myself that I can’t abuse myself like I did anymore. I I literally physically cannot allow myself to do that, and in so many ways, mentally, food wise, it’s crazy. I’m 35 now and I love my body more than I ever have before when I look in the mirror. But that that didn’t just wake up doing that. That took every day of fighting those, those false things, fighting the temper tantrums of the little girl who felt not beautiful enough, not good enough, and Focusing on the beauty and focusing on the self-compassion and talking to myself the way I would to a friend.

39:29 – Ewelina (Host)
Yes, yes, I wonder, you know talking about, like self-image areas. I wonder what would it be like to connect with that part of like me or you right when we Step into the belief that we’re not enough, like go in the past to that exact moment when that idea was planted and and talk to her right there and then and shift her belief right, because, I mean, past doesn’t exist, future doesn’t either, and you can connect from now anywhere you want to, energetically you can.

40:09 – Anna (Guest)
I think that’s the assignment for everyone here. Talk to her, talk to her in that moment, coach her through it. Just listen to her.

40:18 – Ewelina (Host)
Yeah, and Tell her what it is right that you would want to tell someone If you really had like. For me, it was when I was 11 years old. If I had me, at 11 years old, right at front of me, what would I tell her in that moment? And imagine that she’s hearing me. She knows exactly what I’m telling her and from that point on, because that message is different, her belief is different. That sends a wave through to me right now.

Right and so whatever believes that I am facing still within me when I look at myself in the mirror, that gets twisted and adjusted because that original belief Is neutralized. Love, yeah, I know.

41:09 – Anna (Guest)
I’m gonna look in the mirror a little different today we’re jumping all over the place. I love it. That’s that feminine energy. Evelina, you provided the masculine structure for this podcast and here we are flowing and going.

41:22 – Ewelina (Host)
Yes, this has been so much fun, so much fun. Thank you so much for coming again. I know we talked about another interview. Right, we’re gonna have one more. So, anna, thank you, thank you, thank you for being here, thank you for sharing your story. Alright, my friends, if you would want to get a hold of Anna, because you think you might have similar symptoms, and you would like the info for the doctor that helped her action of this show, Anna is a career coach for immigrant women, so if you are struggling in your career and you would need some help, reach out to her as well. Keep in mind that in the description of this show, I have also listed some of the questions we suggest you ask yourself. Great, deep questions to ask yourself and write down the answers to.

Now, before I say my goodbyes, I also want to remind you about the free course I’ve created for you. It’s for those of you who feel anxious and afraid of being judged when you’re talking to Americans socializing, because if you’re stressed before going to a party, you feel disconnected during it and disappointed after. You feel like it’s hard to build connections with Americans because many of them are fake and they don’t really care about you. But the truth is you actually really crave connection. You crave being understood and seen for who you are, like you did in your home country. I share with you how to build genuine connections without the pressure of being someone you are not and without sacrificing who you are. Listen, this is an important thing. This is especially research of information for those of you who are immigrant women that got married to an American man. That was my situation. My husband was an American and oftentimes when we would meet his friends, he didn’t have any immigrant friends. Everybody that was friends with him was an American. So when we were meeting his friends, we would always be surrounded by Americans. I was always the only immigrant in the room.

And I’ve created this course because I was thinking what is it? What is it that was really bothersome for me? What bothered me so much when I was in the beginning, here right, what was the biggest problem for me? And that was it building connections, feeling like I belong, feeling understood, feeling seen and feeling like I matter. I stressed so much before going to different gatherings. I focused on all different kinds of things that didn’t really matter at the end of the day, things like what will I look like. What will people think when they see me right, trying to control their perception, when I really couldn’t control their perception, and even though I was really stressed and really anxious, I didn’t know how to handle those feelings and so, in a way, I was abandoning myself because I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t know how to address it and, as a life coach, now I know how to address it, and I so wish that I had these tools that I share with you in that course. I wish I had it.

So if you are one of the women that got married to an American and you find yourself struggling connecting to Americans because you feel like an outsider, you feel misunderstood often and you feel anxious and stressed, I made that course for you. I want for you to think about a situation where you go to a gathering. You know that, no matter what’s gonna happen there, you’re gonna be just fine and you’ll actually enjoy yourself. By the end of this course, you will know how to do that. But I also share with you what is it that most of us struggle with and why. I will show you that you are not alone in this struggle.

A lot of my struggling back then came from this belief that no one understands me, because I didn’t know anyone that understood me. And yet today I know that there’s a whole bunch of other people that go for very similar thing and we just don’t talk about it. So you are not alone in all of this. But I also will tell you what is the worst thing that we do when we meet other people, what is the worst thing that we do when things get awkward, and I share with you how to prepare yourself before you go so that you actually do feel good when you are meeting Americans. You know, I’m gonna share with you some really helpful thoughts that will help you stop feeling anxious and start feeling more inner peace.

So if you need help because you really struggle in social situations like I did, the link to that course is in the description of this show as well. And remember, this is a free course. There’s literally nothing you have to pay for it. I just this is my gift to you because I know how much I struggled with this and I want for all the immigrant women that have similar feelings, that feel anxious and stressed and like nobody sees them and like no one understands them. I want for you to know that you are not alone and that there are ways to address what you’re dealing with and you don’t have to suffer. It does not have to be this hard at all.

All right, my friends, I am sending so much love and I’m also sending sunshine from Sarasota, Florida. I don’t know where you are at in this beautiful country, but if you’re up north and you’re experiencing the gloomy, cold days, I am definitely sending sunshine your way. So I hope you feel it have a wonderful, beautiful day. I hope your inner sunshine has turned on and you are appreciating and loving your American dream life. But if you’re not, I’m here to help you. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. I would love to hear your feedback, so write a comment or send me an email or leave a rating. Thank you again and I will talk to you next time. Take care, bye, bye.